This week and next we celebrate Tyler's completion of his work on Procter and Gamble's Safeway team here in San Francisco. While I'm sure the coming weeks will be sad, I'm also excited that tonight his team will be roasting him. In the spirit of roasting, I've compiled a list of some of his craziness that usually only I get the pleasure of seeing and hearing - although he had been opening up lately! Tyler is one of the funniest people I know, from his countless impersonations and song inventions, to his "I'm really being serious" moments - if you're lucky enough to have seen him branch out into his sillyness then consider yourself lucky! I'm sure this list will grow with time, but for now, enjoy these little snippets of my daily life! [Disclaimer: some of these may be 'you had to be there' moments - but if you sit back and really try to picture him doing them, you'll laugh - or you can just skip to the videos at the end!]
- The Invention:
- The Laundry:
- The Times He Pretends He Speaks Spanish:
"I'm taking you kayaking in La Joe-la!" "Are you sure that's the name of it?" "Yes!" "How is it spelled?" "L-a J-o-l-l-a. La Joe-la!" "Yeah, hate to break it to you, honey but we're going to La Jolla, pronounced 'Hoy-ya'" "Mmm I don't think so."
"Como estaaaaba la princeeessea muy buena, si?" Just stop.
- The Time I Forgot My Hairbrush:
Clearly upset with the sandpaper feel of my hair after the shower, and getting frustrated trying to brush through the unconditioned hair with my fingers, Tyler lovingly stepped in to help brush with his fingers. After about 40 combined minutes of work [no joke] my hair was 'finished' and I realized, no anti-frizz cream. Score. Tired of waiting, Tyler insisted, "It looks fine!" so we left for dinner, but I knew what was coming.
Halfway through dinner, "your hair looks really nice, it's drying well, my combing really helped!!" he said with the proudest grin. "Oh, really?" I said sarcastically, "how's the back look?" I asked, turning the back of my head towards him, already knowing the answer. "Uhm. Nobody looks at the back of your hair. I did a really good job!" *proudest smile ever*
- The Bath Rug:
Three weeks later I hear, "What is this?!" I come in from the bedroom to see Tyler holding up the sheepskin and calmly explain that it's decor [a word he now cringes at]. "For two weeks I thought this was our bath rug! I thought you put it there to dry after washing it! Take it back!" I'm still confused as to why he thought I'd dry a soaking wet bath rug on a chair vs our drying rack, but I'm still enjoying resting against the coziness that is sheepskin.
- The Baby Naming Game:
- The Car Ritual:
Two minutes in to the drive I ask a question with this response, "What are you doing? WE don't talk the first five minutes of the drive in the morning!" Still wondering who 'we' is. And exactly 5 minutes in as he gets on the ramp to the interstate, he flips on the talk radio and starts singing to himself, "A Hunting We Will Go" as he white-knuckles the top of the steering wheel with both hands and moves his face towards the windshield with squinting eyes seeking his way in to the lane, and then he starts talking to me like I had just joined him in the car at that very moment.
- The Winter Blues:
- The Drive-Thru:
Most recently at the Chick-fil-A by us, the girl at the headset couldn't control her laughter while taking our order because her friends were at the window teasing her. Tyler gives his order and as she giggles through repeating it back, he goes, "Ma'am this is not funny," in his serious voice while turning and laughing to my face - she was so stoic from then on and as he rolls away, "I got her, hehehe." Drive-thru workers, beware!
- The Best Part About Mac and Cheese:
Where does he come up with this? The best part of the conversation was when I made him promise to me, "Promise me you will never eat like this in front of other human beings?" and with an eye-roll and a shake, he did. Then I stated, "that includes all human beings, even little humans, as in our future children," "Dangit! You tricked me!" ..and back to swallowing the mac.
- The Kate Spade Incident:
As if that wasn't enough, we're looking at the jewelry displayed on a dresser when an employee mentions, "there are more necklaces in the top left drawer, more rings in the top middle drawer, and more earrings in the top right!" I had already spotted the earrings so I decided to open the top left drawer just to see, then I hear those words a mother, er, I mean wife, never wants to hear, "excuse me sir, I'm going to have to ask you not to open those." I look to my right and every drawer of the dresser is open with Tyler smiling like a kid in a candy store. His response, "Sorry lady, I'm a mischievous one, you're going to have to watch me!" And she did. Like a hawk. The rest of the time we were in the store. Good thing Kate Spade isn't a classy establishment or anything..
- The Gig:
As I'm getting ready to leave, he calls and says, "are they getting you pizza tonight?" "Yes" "Ok, I'm coming with you!" After picking me up, he goes, "Wow. This is a really good gig, we need to get this gig in Charlotte like 4 nights a week. We save money not buying dinner for ourselves and then make money at the same time! And after we put the kids to bed, we're forced to be productive on our work computers because we're not at our own house so we can't go to bed!" "Uh-huh, suure," I said, knowing it's not that easy. "Okay, fine, maybe just 3 nights a week."
An hour into watching the boys, "Can I go home now?! I'm tired. How do you do this? You make it look so easy!"
- The Baby:
When my boss and I were setting up for the company Christmas party he asked Tyler if he could watch the oldest son to which Tyler laughed. When he realized B was holding him out in Tyler's direction, Tyler goes, "Oh, you were serious?" look around, and takes him from him, carries him with both arms extended away from his body as if the little guy had a disease or something. He then proceeded to get into the Chick-fil-A play-place and slide down the slide with him.
The night we watched them that Tyler wanted to duck out early from, I had just fed the infant and was burping him as we coaxed the oldest upstairs for bed. "You have two choices Tyler, you can burp the baby or change W's diaper. What do you want to do?" "I ain't changin' no diaper!" So I had him sit down in the rocker, and gave him the baby in burping position. When I came back two minutes later from changing W's diaper, the baby was 90% of the way down Tyler's chest and they both had a look of fear in their eyes. "What are you doing?!" "He was moving, and wiggling!!" "Yeah, he's trying to learn to use his neck muscles, you have to hold him!" "I'm done, I'm going to break him, I'm done!" ..sorry B&K.
- The Time He Had to Tell His Pet Peeves About Me:
In the Skype interview he also admitted his other pet peeve about me was I make the bed every single day and, "it takes her FOREVER to come to bed at night, probably because she takes the time to floss her teeth and I don't." #SorryNotSorry
The only one I need to explain is the fact that I dislike him working from home. Some people would think I'm mean and unloving for that, but you'd dislike it too if you lived in an 800sq ft apartment where you work from home and while you're trying to work you keep getting interrupted. Schedule when Tyler works from home:
7:50 am - Wake up in a panic because since he's working from home, he didn't set an alarm.
9:20 am - Megan can you make me coffee?
9:50 am - Megan can you come get my coffee cup and put it in the dishwasher? I'm on a call.
10:30 am - What are you making me for lunch?
10:35 am - Megan?! "It's 10:30, lunch isn't until at least noon!" I know, but I like to prepare myself.
11:45 am - When is lunch?
12:00 pm - Is lunch ready?
12:20 pm - Sorry but we're going to have to listen in to this call while we're eating lunch.
12:45 pm - Can you get me some Oreos and milk?
1:00 pm - You're good to clean this up, right? I need to get back to this call.
2:30 pm - Finally settling down to get my work done
2:31 pm - I'm done, do you want to go to the gym together? What's for dinner? How come you're still working? Are we going to do something fun tonight? Helloooo?! You've had all day to work!
- The Great Aunt Voice:
- The Bite:
And with that.. I leave you with these gems:
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If "laughter is the best medicine," then Tyler will keep me healthy for a long time! I feel like the luckiest girl alive to have someone to laugh with and to entertain me for life!
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